Close Your eyes and think of Me....

NEW JOURNAL!!

2005-03-27T21:50:08Z

okay guys..i got a new lj...

x_lost_cause_xx

add it bitch. :)

i love you zach <3333

and after all is lost there is nothing left inside of me.

2005-03-26T02:43:54Z

okay, so i did more today than i have done all vacation so far, lol. i babysat my little brother kevin this morning. that was a blast...not. went to nicks around 4ish, hung out with him and zach <3 untill maybe 6ish when jones finally decided to show up. we all went to the mall and met up with ashlie and her friend, and left the mall around 8:45. not to much of a productive day...but better than nothing, and hey i got to see zach so it was worth it.

my parents have been being asses latley and i have noticed myself becoming depressive at home again. i just wish things would work out, but i guess that is just to much to ask.

work..ehh. i put in my two weeks notice the other day. i cant stand wendys. i went and talked to kelly at pac sun today and she said that i am defintaly going to be working their this summer. =) to that is a major plus.

zach and i are really good. i love him. i always seem to have a smile on around him, and i get those butterflies still. thats a good thing though right? i just feel that i can actaully be myself around him, and i dont have to try and put on an act to try and impress him. he loves me for me. for once i feel appriciated. i feel loved. i feel wanted. i feel that i am being treated how i should be treated, and i am so greatful that i found him. it really is a blessing. he means the world to me, and i dont know what i would do with out him. he makes me who i am. i dont have to feel embaressed ever, because the stupid things i do makes him smile. he always says the right things at the right time, and makes me feel special. i just love being in his arms, i feel so comfortable. and its the little things he does that makes me love him that much more. he is everything that i wanted in a guy and so much more. i love everything about him, the way he holds my hands..the way he always looks at me and smiles, then usualy asks "what?!" lol..the way he kisses..the way he hugs me..the way he makes me feel about myself when i am around him..everything. i love you so much zach, and i never want to be without you.

* nik

you are my everything zach <3

bored.

2005-03-24T05:28:33Z

[] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[X] I've consumed alcohol.
[] I've run away from home.
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[]I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[/] I am for Bush.
[] I listen to political music.
[] I collect comic books.
[X] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[X] I open up to others easily.
[] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[/] I watch the news.
[] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[X] I own something from Hot Topic.
[X] I love Disney Movies.
[X] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[] I don't kill bugs.
[X] I curse regularly.
[i dont get it] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[] I am a sports fanatic.
[X] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[X] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[] I love Spam.
[/] I bake well.
[X..have] I would wear pajamas to school.
[] I own something from Abercrombie.
[X] I have a job.
[] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with love.
[] I am guilty oF tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[X more than anyone] I am self conscious.
[X] I like to laugh.
[] I smoke a pack a day.
[] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[/ (the ludens ones..they rock)] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[used to not be able to] I can't swallow pills.
[] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[X (hello work at wendys)] I eat fast food weekly.
[X] I have many scars.
[] I've been out of this country.
[] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[X] I am really ticklish.
[] I see a therapist.
[X] I love chocolate.
[] I bite my nails.
[if i can figure out who i am] I am comfortable with being me.
[/] I play video games.
[] I'm single.
[X] I'm in a relationship.
[] Gotten lost in your city.
[X] Saw a shooting star.
[] Been to any other countries besides the united states.
[(screws in my leg..not real serious)] I Had a serious Surgery.
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas.
[] I have Kissed a Stranger.
[X] Hugged a stranger.
[] Been in a fist fight.
[] Been arrested.
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[] Made out in an elevator.
[X] Swore at your parents.
[on accident..elementry] Kicked a guy where it hurts.
[] Been to a casino.
[] Been skydiving.
[X] Broken a bone.
[X] Skipped school.
[] Flashed someone.
[] Saw a therapist.
[X] Done the splits.
[X] Played spin the bottle.
[X] Gotten stitches.
[] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] Bitten someone.
[] Been to Niagara Falls.
[X] Kissed a member of the same sex.
[] Crashed into a friend's car.
[] Been to Japan.
[] Ridden in a taxi.
[X] Shoplifted.
[] Been fired.
[] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[X] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back.
[X alll the time] Stole something from your job.
[] Gone on a blind date.
[X] Lied to a friend.
[] Had a crush on a teacher.
[] Celebrated mardigras in New Orleans.
[] Been to Europe.
[] Slept with a co-worker.
[] Been married.
[] Gotten divorced.
[] Had children.
[] Saw someone dying.
[] Been to Africa.
[] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[] Been to Canada.
[] Been to Mexico.
[x] Been on a plane.
[X] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[] Thrown up in a bar.
[] Eaten Sushi.
[x] Been snowboarding.
[x] Been Skiing.
[] Met someone in person from the internet.
[x] Been to a moto cross show.
[] Lost a child.
[] Gone to college.
[] Graduated college.
[] Done hard drugs.
[X] Taken painkillers.
[XXXXX] Had someone cheat on you.
[X] Miss someone right now.
[] Had sex up a tree.
[] Been in the same bed as 2 people getting it on.
[X] regreted not saying what you wanted at the perfect moment.
[] peed your pants in public.
[] ever wanted to fuck marilyn manson.
[] Ever regret something you did.
*never regret anything...everything happens for a reason.*

*nik

i love you zach <3

hoplessxdreamer @ 2005-03-23T22:58:00

2005-03-24T04:01:46Z

Thirty ways to make a girl smile

1- Tell her she is beautiful.
2- Hold her hand whenever you can, she loves that.
3- Kiss her on the forehead.
4- Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5- Always tell her shes the only girl you wanna be w/
6- When she is upset tell her how much she means to you.
7- Recognize the small things . . . they mean the most.
8- Call her baby.
9- Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.
10- Pick her over all the other girls you hang out w/
11- Write her notes. (she loves them)
12- Introduce her to family & friends as your girlfriend.
13- Play w/ her hair.
14- Pick her up, tickle her & play-wrestle w/ her.
15- Talk to her w/ out having to kiss her.
16- Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.
17- Tell her when you miss her.
18- Let her fall asleep in your arms.
19- Open her car door.
20- If she's mad @ you, kiss her.
21- Give her piggyback rides.
22- Randomly tell her when you think she looks her best.
23- Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone.
24- Look her in the eyes & smile.
25- Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
26- Slow dance w/ her, even if there isn't any music playing.
27- Dont EVER ignore her, no matter who is around.
28- Kiss her in the rain.
29- Tell her EVERYTHING thats goin on your in your life. She wants to know.
30- When you fall in love w/ her . . . Tell her.

i love you zach <3

* nik

OMG!

2005-03-23T18:34:17Z

ITS FINALLY OVER!!!! thank god grad projects done and over with! sorry, i just needed to express my happiniess.

i love you zach <3

* nik

hoplessxdreamer @ 2005-03-20T18:42:00

2005-03-20T23:48:38Z

i was bored so i took pics. today..lol

i love you zach!! <33

the pics got a little mis-shaped when i resized them..

rockin my corona hat..hah

...sighs...

got really fucked up when i resized this one..but cant help but rockin that damn hat! lol

yeah i was really bored..lol

* nik

I FUCKING LOVE YOU ZACH!!!!!!

boredness.

2005-03-20T18:28:44Z

i need to vent..lol.

my dad is a FUCKING ASSHOLE. he said (direct quotes) "youre a fucking iddiot" and "youre fucking stupid" he makes me so mad. i really can not stand him anymore. i wish he would just move away, as mean and bitchy as that sounds. and this was all because i was doing my makeup on the computer desk. oh! and he threatend to take all my makeup away for a week, and i laughed in his face (that didnt make him to happy either) i found it rather amusing though. yeah he isnt touching my fucking makeup..he can go fuck himself.

okay enough venting for now. lol

i love you zach <3

* nik

=)

2005-03-20T03:34:17Z

i just thought that i would update seeing as how i am bored, and had an amazing day <3

today, i woke up around 11ish, got ready and got to choriks around 12:30. jones came and then we went to the mall and picked up ashley (shes awesome) then we went back to zachs and hung out there for a while, then murtagh came. and we brought ash back around 7:30. got back to zachs played some pool with jones (kicked his ass at it) and then i drove to sams, the car wash and then home.

oh and by the way, zach is the most amazing person EVER! today was so fun. i loved every second of it..i seriously love you <3 it just seems like every second i fall more and more for you.

* nik

<33 i love you zach <33

ps. ash, our hil billy jig kicked some major ass.

dear roger,

2005-03-17T02:21:58Z

dear roger,
it had been a year now since you have left us here on this earth, and not a day has gone by wheni havent thought about you. you were not only a friend, but my neighbor as well. i remeber when i first met you with natalie on the bus in 8th grade, haha you always made me smile. then you went away for a while and came back, and we talked quite a few times, like when you were walking up the road and natalie and i noticed that it was you and screamed "roger!!!!". haha or when we were sitting in my driveway on the fourwheeler just talking about what you have done in your life and where you were going. i still can see the image running through my head of you always walking up the street in from of my house to yours. i still cant believe you are gone. i miss you so much. you were such a great friend, and someone you could always just have a good time talking to. i can see your house from mine, and i just sometimes sit and think. i just want to break down and cry so much, but i am trying to be strong because i know you wouldnt want me to cry. even right now, im just looking out my window wishing that you would be walking up the street again. you touched so many peoples lives, and you will always be on my mind. you were such an amazing person, and you were loved by more than you can imagine..i can only wish that you were back here with us. i miss you. and i hope you are always watching out for all of us down here.

R.I.P....

<3
* nikki

<3 loved

2005-03-16T00:25:31Z

i am extreamly bored so i figured that i would update.

life had been really good latley, great even. i feel so happy anymore that i just cant help but to smile. i feel more complete and i feel loved. haha. i feel that i am going in the right direction in my life now, and hope that things keep progressing for the better. yes i am leaving alot of memories behind,but i will never forget them. and i dont regret anything that i have ever done..because it makes me what i am today, and makes me appriciate everything so much more. i look at everything in a different way, and i dont frown all the time. i have even had people come up and tell me how they have seen this amazing change in the way i am and how im so much happier looking. and i truley am. i can actaully say " i am happy" and mean it. i couldnt have asked for anyone more perfect. you make me so unbelievebly happy, and so much more. thank you. i love you so much, and you mean soooo much to me. i dont know what i would do with out you, probaly be unhappy. lol. you love me for who i am and see the real me, and do things to make me smile. and i feel that everytime i talk to you i keep falling for you over and over again...so again i thank you for everything. i love you zach. <3

well i dont really have much more to talk about, so i guess ill just leave you with that.

<3
* nik

hoplessxdreamer @ 2005-03-13T12:25:00

2005-03-13T17:28:21Z

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	breath taking
Your hugs are...	warm
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	awakening my heart
Your smell is...	refreshing
Your smile is...	amazing
Your love is...	one of a kind

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	beautiful
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	eternal

Quiz created with MemeGen!

hoplessxdreamer @ 2005-03-13T12:23:00

2005-03-13T17:24:05Z

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	-10,000,000 damn you suck
your best quality is	you have all your teeth =D
your worst quality is	nothing! youre perfect hun
this is because	you were born this way

Quiz created with MemeGen!

i guess i suck? haha

never listen to queen and drive in reverse down eger lane..lol

2005-03-12T22:52:32Z

last night was awesome. it started out with natalie and i having to pick up her little brother at the ymca, and he wasnt there..so we drive around for an hour looking for him and get a call, he was soposidly in the pool (i think its bullshit).

then nataie and i went to wendys and got some food. afterwords we went and picked up zach and nick and we all went and crashed at natalies. we stayed up and watched movies and then fell asleep. in the am. we went to dunkin donuts and got some food, then came back and made homemade french fries. we droped them off around 3ish i think?

then on our way home natalie decided she wanted to listen to queen, and we were driving down eger lane to finish the song and got her sisters car stuck in a fucking ditch! haha

and so that leaves me here..bored. haha im thinking natalie might stay over here tonight, but then again she does every weekend...

oh yeah, and as of thursday (10th) i am taken <3 and i never have been this happy. i love you zach!

<3
* nik

i got this from tabbies profile, and loved it.

2005-03-06T16:41:07Z

*find a guy who calls you BeAuTiFuL instead of hot who calls you BaCk when you hang up on him who'll lay under the stars & LiStEn to your heartbeat or will stay aWaKe just to watch you sLeEp wait for the boy who KiSsEs your forehead who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats who holds your hand in front of his fRiEnDs who thinks youre just as pretty without makeup one who is CoNsTaNtLy reminding you of how much he cares & how lucky he is to have you.*

<3 you're amazing

amazing.

2005-03-06T16:12:09Z

wow. last night i had the best night i have had in a long long time. natalie, murtagh, chorik, and i all went to see Hamlet at the school (it took some convincing to make them go..but they caved in..lol) we drove to wenchin wendys, then we went to choriks with a few of natalies friends and watched halloween. i had such a great time. <3 then i spent the night at natalies. i am really concidering quiting wendys...i absolutly hate it there. so i need to go out and get some applications. i really hope pacsun would call ..lol well i guess that is all for now, my dad went and bought me dunkin donuts!!!

<3
* nik

you are so fucking amazing <333

wow. can i say that again...wow.

2005-03-05T01:02:05Z

wow. can you say an absolutley amazing day. today was the best day i have had in a long time...<333333 :) you are more amazing then you will ever know.

<3
* nik

:) just simlpy fucking amazingly wonderful

took from saras journal

2005-03-02T21:10:30Z

Play with her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly kiss her. Pick her up and pretend youre going to throw her in the river; she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it. Hold her hand and walk. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her. Tell her she looks beautiful. Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know". Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops. [Added me me: Take her anywhere] Tell her dirty jokes. Tell her stupid jokes...Whatever it takes to make her laugh. Write poems about her. Walk with her, even if its just around the block. Throw pebbles at her window at night. Surprise her. Do things that make her smile, make her laugh, and make her want to kiss you right on the face. Be spontaneous. When she starts yelling at you, tell her you love her. Give her back rubs. Play mud football with her. Play in the snow with her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her... even if its just to say hi. Call her back if she calls you. Jump on the bed with her. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Get her mad, then kiss her. Push her on swings. Give her piggy-back rides. Stay up with her all night. Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, or in her locker saying how much she means to you. Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the stars. Make up nicknames for each other. Show up at her school or class unexpectedly. Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand. Teach her guitar. Lend her your CDs. Make her CDs of songs that remind you of her. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip. Go out on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long. Take her to cool shops, and let her take you to even cooler ones. Listen to her favorite songs. When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the pictures of you she wants. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Make her a romantic dinner for special days. Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and surprise her on the anniversary. Kiss her in the rain. Kiss her in the snow... Kiss her when she least expects it. Most of all, When you fall in love with her, tell her.

hoplessxdreamer @ 2005-03-01T19:42:00

2005-03-02T00:38:54Z

[X]- Yes
[/]-Sort of
[]- no

Have you ever..
[/] been drunk.
[x] smoked pot.
[] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[] been fired.
[] been in a fist fight.
[x] broken a bone.
[] got hit by a car.
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[] been arrested.
[] gone in a mosh pit.
[x] stole something from your job.
[] celebrated new years in times square.
[] had a crush on a teacher.
[] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[] thrown up from drinking.
[] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue.'
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[x] had a sweet sixteen. (it wasnt to "sweet" may i add)
[] had your tonsils out.
[] had a car.
[] Totaled a car.

Do you...
[] have a bf.
[] have a gf.
[/] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[/] feel happy.
[/] hate yourself.
[] think youre attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[] listen to Hawaiian Music.
[/] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[/] listen to country.
[] listen to reggae.
[] listen to techno.
[/] have hobbies.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[] get good grades.
[/] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color pink.
[] cyber.
[] claim.
[/] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[] have a laptop.
[] have a pager.

Are you...
[] Handsome.
[x] bored.
[] happy.
[] bilingual.
[] Hawaiian.
[] Samoan.
[] Filipino.
[] Korean.
[x] Polish.
[x]Irish.
[x]German
[] Italian.
[] Black.
[] Spanish.
[] Asian.
[] short.
[x] tall.
[] realistic.
[/] sick.
[x] mad.
[x] lazy.
[x] single. (crushing) ;)
[] taken.
[ looking.
[] not looking.
[x] talking to someone.
[x] IMing someone.
[/] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[x] sleepy.
[x] annoyed.
[x] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[] on the phone.
[] in your room.
[x] drinking something.
[x] eating something.
[] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[x] listening to music.

<33
*nik

<3 simply amazing

moving on.

2005-03-01T01:23:23Z

i got bored so i figured that i would make an update here. as of latley i have had some major decisions to make, and i definatly made some life changing decisions..which i think now is why they were so difficult to make in the first place. i sometimes wonder why life is so complex and complicated. but we learn something new in everything we do. i am one who has always held on to things so dearly, and has never been able to just let go..even when it is the clear solution. i really hope that i have made the right decision, im not doubting it though. there are new faces in my life now and i am really enjoying life. for once i am happy. i can go live my life as a teen, and go have fun, go do the things i want to do. and i think that everyone needs that because once you are an adult there is no turning back. so i just want to live my life to the fullest. i want to acomplish the goals i have in my life..i want to do so many things. and i think i have made one step closer to all of those. i want to experience new things and go and have fun. and i feel that i can finally do that. and i want to thank my friends for helping me through all of this and being there for me..both new and old. thank you. <3 school isnt going to well for me. i am really slacking like i seem to do every year. and it is horrible..i know that i am not stupid and that i am completley capable of getting straight a's if i wanted to..i am just so unmotovated. i need to get my ass in gear because i only have one year left. i am really scared of what is out there..but i am ready to face it. i have to eventually. im still not sure what i want to do with my life..i would absolutly love to modle..but i know that wont happen, but its a nice thought. well like i say..i am just taking it a step at a time.

you are amazing <3

<3
*nik

wtf

2005-02-28T17:35:08Z

i just said something so stupid, i thought i would share it with all of you avid readers...

"if you cant laugh at yourself, then..i dunno"

great quote huh?? hahaha

<3
*nik

<3 simply amazing =)

=)

2005-02-27T02:14:42Z

im really bored so i figured, what the hell why dont we just update livejournal. well today i had work 11:45-2:00, but they let me off early so i got home around 1ish. tonight i went to nicks to hang out with him and chorik...it was awesome. =) we all watched "the crow" and played wwf raw or what ever it was. haha. i had an awesome time tonight..i actually had alot of fun and was fairly happy <3 i am definatly
   *
   .
.
F
a
     l
       l
      i
    N
g
.
.
     *
for someone very hard...lol to sum this person up in one word...amazing <33 sorry i am just really happy! well i am going to go...ill update later on maybe...
<3
    * nik

hoplessxdreamer @ 2005-02-25T16:03:00

2005-02-25T20:59:39Z

WORSHIP! You're inner Bombshell is the beautiful
Audrey Hepburn. Like her you've been blessed
with a "certain something" that no
one could describe accurately. You are more
reserved than other bombshells, and that shows
in your gentle, graceful nature. You like doing
things for other people and love volunteering
for your favorite charity. Yours is a rare gift
in this day and age. You don't need to show a
lot of skin to be sexy, all you need is your
eyes. To see Audrey at the top of her game
watch the movie "Breakfast at
Tiffanys".

Who is your inner bombshell?
brought to you by Quizilla

hoplessxdreamer @ 2005-02-22T17:08:00

2005-02-22T22:04:27Z

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF...

» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:

» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

RANDOM QUESTIONS

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you sleep with me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

hoplessxdreamer @ 2005-02-21T13:08:00

2005-02-21T18:18:06Z

so latley there has been a varity of things on my mind. i guess i just dont know how to talk about my feelings and the thoughts inside my head very much. i found that i can write in my journal (my hand written one) about anything but i cant manage to talk about them to anyone..i dont know why but it is just the way it works i guess. i have been trying to discover who i really am anymore, because quite frankly i have no idea. i dont know what i want anymore. i miss the times when everything used to be so clear and i understood things, but anymore everything is just so confusing and complicated. i have when things are complex. i have also realized that i am having trouble decifering between my head and my heart. i have gained new apriciation for my friends, and love them all. i would not be anywhere or who i am with out you guys. i have gained some new friends as well as losing some. i am not sure what i want to do with my life. i mean i want my name to be known somehow. i want to be on stage or infront of the camera, and i will never give up that dream. i love science though to. i am facinated with the stars and space and i think i want to study something in that area someday. who knows maybe i will be one to discover life on a planet, or a new galaxy? i dont know what the future holds for me, so i just try and live my life day by day. if you think to far ahead then you get lost in your own confusion. i have been trying to think "in the now" instead of the future, but it is difficult. memories have been keeping me down to. i miss times when i was happy and offten wonder what happend, what went so wrong. but i believe that everything happens for a reason and everything in life has some sort of purpose. recently i have been somewhat happy for once, thanks to some new found friends. <3 thank you guys so much..you guys mean so much to me. you guys have somehow managed to put a smile back on my face.. my dad is driving me insane..this weekend was awesome because he went ice fishing, he came back today unfortunatly. i notice how much happier my mom and i were when he was gone. we were actually having a good time. there was no yelling. no fighting. we were all just getting along as a family, and i miss that. i would give anything for the family to be happy again. but i guess times change and things happen that we all just have to make due with until something comes along. who knows what the future holds for me. i always wonder where i will be ten years down the road...im not sure, i guess ill find out when i get there.

<3
* nik

blah.

2005-02-20T19:29:31Z

had an amazing night last night <333 hope their will be more to come